update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize