Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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