After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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