i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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