i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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