Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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