This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize