I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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