I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize