Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
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I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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