i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize