she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize