Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize