The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
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Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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