you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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