can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
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I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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