You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize