i permit you to call me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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