dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize