in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
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