this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
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Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize