Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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