boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize