i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize