You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
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Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
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You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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