You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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