Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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So squirting runs in the family.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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