Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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