Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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