i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize