Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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