a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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