It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im six kinds of drunk right now
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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