The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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