I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize