dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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