I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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