I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
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All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize