Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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