yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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