The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You are the jesus of drinking
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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