Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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