i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
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i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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