She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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