just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
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I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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