dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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