apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize