And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
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i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
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fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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