but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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