Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
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Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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